I love to travel and I do it every year. I visited a lot of countries, but ,when I came to Amerika, I had two dreams.The first, to see the Ocean and ,the second , to visit New York.
My first dream came true two months ago, when I arrived in Miami Beach with my friends by plane.We spent five days there.Our hotel was situatedon the coastline of the Atlantic Ocean. Every day we went to the Ocean, we lied up down ,relaxed and swam a lot.The weather was perfect and we enjoyed being there.We made a tour of the city.I saw the house, where Jany Versace lived and was killed.Also, I saw the Stars' Island, where the famous and the rich people, like Ricky Martin and Enrique Iglesias live.
I had a great vacation and I would like to return to Miami again.
3 comments:
Hi Volha
Hi again! Before that it was jast "check of connection". Yesterday I tried to leave my coment until 3 a.m. ... but I couidn't. You know - today is better day - I did it!!!
So, I read your story and I can say - it's really interesting, but let me give you a couple advices:
1-st - I think your story (so and my) is too small (if it comcompare with our classmates's stories...) so I think it will be better if we our vacations describe more;
2-nd - The topic of story has to cntaine more information for understending more clearly about this this story going to be;
and last - check last but one sentence (I mean construction) I think word "live" has to be after "rich people".
Many of the students paragraphs are longer, but they don't need to be. A good paragraph has a topic sentence and a concluding sentence that are similiar or connected. You may have up to 6-8 sentences in a paragraph.
I the way you organize your dreams (first and second) and connect it to your vacation.
When you lay on the beach in the sunshine, we call it "laying out" or "tanning".
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